Lost in the Supermarket

Jerry Seinfeld had a skit about supermarkets. He basically makes comedy out of the fact that people go into a supermarket with a fixed mission: get the stuff and get out. Once they’re between the aisles however, they get lost. Metaphorically of course, although not exclusively. The supermarket takes over individuals and all of a sudden they’re holding on to the trolley scratching their heads and looking at jars of pickles like they’re the most interesting thing in the world.

This happened to me this weekend when my girlfriend and I went to the sister island for a relaxing weekend. We weren’t cooking so we didn’t need to buy much. Just minor things like booze, yoghurt, butter, snacks, orange juice and booze. Still, the supermarket effect got to us. Almost. That’s what happens. You start picking things that all of a sudden become indispensable. You’re seriously considering buying everything. Once outside however the reason for buying useless items escapes you completely. Why the hell did I buy the biggest bag of dog food? I don’t even own a sodding dog! It’s ridiculous. Lucky for us, we got back to our senses before we got to the cash counter. People must have wondered why we were putting all the stuff back.

The reason for this ‘useless shopping syndrome’ could have something to do with one simple thing: shopping just sucks.

– One minute silence while shopaholics have a heart attack –.

Grocery shopping sucks that little bit more because it’s compulsory. So basically once you find yourself between those aisles and behind the shopping cart you tend to let your imagination come up with all worst-case-scenarios to justify buying everything. In case. In case of what? In case you end up without sweet and sour sauce? A jar of guacamole dip? An exotic cheese that tastes like crap? Gee. I don’t think the scouts had this in mind when they came up with their motto. The worst thing that could happen is spending a day without your missing item; which couldn’t be that essential if you forgot it now could it? Either that or you’ll have to go back. Shock & horror!!! Now that shit is truly scary. But does that justify behaving like Cetta l-Maltija in the wake of the first Gulf War? Irrespective of how much you think it is; there really is no need for clearing the shelves. Supermarkets turn us into idiots: the ideal consumer.

Having said that I must admit: that huge jar of Gozo cheese should have stayed in the bag…